Science!

This woman can kill the “worms” that turned you gay

Dr. Mariam Al-Sohel, anal worms, homosexuality, gay cure
Dr. Mariam Al-Sohel has some meds for you, but they aren’t oral.

Meet Dr. Mariam Al-Sohel, a supposed “Kuwaiti New-Age Therapist and Human Development Advisor.” She has discovered therapeutic suppositories that’ll curb your excessive homosexual urges. That’s right!

While science still struggles to understand whether homosexuality is caused by genetics, social factors or just normal human desire, Al-Sohel knows what actually causes teh gay — and it ain’t genetics.

She explains: “The sexual urge develops when a person is sexually attacked and afterwards it persists, because there is an anal worm that feeds on semen.”

“Praise be to Allah,” the show’s host says.

Related: New Pill Will “Cure” Homosexuality In 8 Sad, Delusional Months 

Wait a sec… so being raped or molested somehow causes an anal worm to spontaneously grow in your butt? Intriguing! Please, continue doctor: “So what I did was to produce suppositories, which are to be used by certain people at a certain time, and it cures those urges by exterminating the worm that feeds on sperm.”

“By the way,” she reassures us, “this is all science, so there is nothing to be ashamed of.” Phew!

What’s in these magic pills, you ask? She doesn’t say. (Maybe it’s just 50 milligrams of ground-up heterosexuality.) But, as she explains while holding up two suppositories that look like dried chili peppers attached to yarn, “The ingredients are the same (for both sexes) but I made them in different colors so that [gay men don’t accidentally insert something intended for a woman’s butt].

It’s unclear if “butch lesbians” (as she calls them) also possess sperm-hungry butt worms since lesbians typically don’t want to be “bred.” But then again, what do we know? We aren’t “doctors.”

Al-Sohel explains that her new patients begin their treatment with a diet balanced between bitter, sour, salty and sweet foods to cleanse the body of poisons. Effeminate men are given “foods that increase masculinity and build muscle” including bitter foods and “any food that is buried underground.”

“Bitter foods increase masculinity,” she says — saltiness and sweetness reduce it. This makes sense considering the number of ultra-sweet and salty AF gay men we know.

Here’s a video of Al-Sohel  explaining her “cure”:

It should surprise no one to learn that Al-Sohel is an an “anti-gay and anti-lesbian researcher,” according to  the Jerusalem Post. But while she sounds absolutely bonkers, lots of ignorant people still believe that homosexuality is caused by sexual trauma early in life (even though that’s completely unfounded.)

Also, her “cure” isn’t so different from other methods that conservatives have used to convert homosexuals here in the West including coloring bookssurrounding gay men with jars of urine, no longer listening to female pop artists, and having oral sex with your “doctor,”

In Kuwait, Iraq, homosexuality is punishable by jail time. So, many desperate gay and lesbian people living there might actually seek out Al-Sohel’s junk “cure” just to avoid being imprisoned or harmed.