The unstable and Peter Pan-like Michael Jackson has once again put himself in a suspicious position, this time moving into a Las Vegas mansion across the street from an elementary school for children 13 and younger.

We couldn't make this stuff up.

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Remember when we turned Mollygood editor Cord Jefferson into Princess Cordless?

Well, now that fucker's living it up like a queen in Vegas for the Palazzo's opening weekend. We celebrated the weekend with the opening of the latest go-go boy. Sigh…

Paris Hilton hosted a party at PURE nightclub in Las Vegas this weekend. And, as you can see, Mr. Kevin Federline popped in to show his bloated, sickening face.

Yes, Cord Jefferson, this is hell.

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It could be the most spectacular return since Jesus!

"Illusionists" Siegfried Fischbacher and Roy Horn intimated recently that they may possibly consider returning to their glittering Las Vegas stage! The duo haven't performed since their tiger, Montecore viciously mauled Horn four years ago.

Horn told a Vegas paper to "Act surprised when you hear about [the show]," but refused to "let the cat out of the bag". He's still got that Horn sense of humor!

Siegfried, meanwhile, expressed his obvious adoration for longtime pal, Roy:

All the doctors say what he's doing now is impossible. I've always said, 'I am the magician and Roy is the magic.' And Roy shows me every day the magic - the magic of life.

Poof!

In case you're wondering, Horn and the seemingly murderous Montecore still "hang out":

[Horn remains] convinced that Montecore sensed Horn was having a mini-stroke and was dragging him to safety, rather than attacking him. "I hang out with my lifesaver," Horn said.

So, Siegfried's totally in awe of Horn, while Horn's blinded by the great white pussy? Good luck on that reunion!

Abracadabra! Vegas magician Hans Klok dispelled any illusions about his sexuality in this month's Q Vegas.

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In their continuing efforts to distance themselves from homo-hating Tim Hardaway, the NBA has banned the former Miami Heat guard from attending this weekend's All-Star Game in Las Vegas. NBA Commissioner David Stern again reiterated that the league doesn't support Hardaway's comments. He also encouraged the country to discuss the larger issues and said he's not surprised by the context:

This is an issue overall that has fascinated America. It's not an NBA issue…This is a country that needs to talk about this issue. And, not surprisingly, they use sports as a catalyst to begin the dialogue.

Meanwhile, Hardaway again apologized for saying he hates gay people and admitting that he's a homophobe, a word he can barely pronounce. Harnessing the power of history, Hardaway insisted:

As an African-American, I know all too well the negative thoughts and feelings hatred and bigotry cause. I regret and apologize for the statements that I made that have certainly caused the same kinds of feelings and reactions.

I especially apologize to my fans, friends and family in Miami and Chicago. I am committed to examining my feelings and will recognize, appreciate and respect the differences among people in our society.

Cue the publicist-endorsed trip to bigot rehab.

(Also, please note we've change Hardaway's nick name from "Hate-A-Gay" to "Hates-The Gays". It's more universal, much like his distaste for the dick tasters.)

Elton John is making $500,000 per night to perform at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas, and that alone makes us a little pissed when we compare it to a blogger's salary, but what adds insult to injury is that the owner of Caesar's Palace is a notorious religious homophobe creationist who spends his billions on conservative causes when he's not paying flamboyant entertainment acts.

But what's more disturbing than Sir Elton's participation in the anti-gay agenda? Celine Dion, who is arguably even more of a gay man than Elton John, has also earned millions at Caesar's Palace, though we partially forgive her because we know she had to pay for all the Swarovski crystals on her wedding veil, and for that weird vow renewal ceremony (pictured above) she and her husband did back in 2000 where they decked out Caesar's Palace like an Arab mosque. Love has never been so expensive.

Business is business for American billionaire believer [Telegraph via PAYOR]

• Get the poop on the newest infomercial. Can you imagine if this was your dad? [FourFour]

• A review of the new film Phat Girlz (after review of Kinky Boots, which is apparently terrible.) Apparently Mo'Nique needs to shave her legs. [LadyBunnyBlog]

• Celine Dion may finally leave Las Vegas. And Cher is slated to take her spot. [DListed]

• The boys at Made in Brazil are absolutely beside themselves with grief over not being included in Madonna's tour schedule. Go sign their petition if you…um, want to…go see Madonna in Brazil? [MadeInBrazil]

• After her much-hyped (and rather lackluster, but since when is talent necessary?) appearance on Will & Grace, Britney Spears is teaming with the show's producers to hunt for a sitcom project of her own. [StarPulse]

Capitalizing on the (very-successful) "What happens here, stays here" marketing campaign, Las Vegas authorities are planning on reaching out to the gay dollar:

With an estimated $65 billion in annual expenditures, American homosexuals are one of the world's most sought-after leisure travel submarkets.

…The Convention & Visitors Authority this spring will sponsor three episodes of the Bravo cable network's popular "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" series.

The show will film in local casinos, and could produce a "making of" documentary that would later air on Logo, a gay and lesbian-themed television network tied with MTV, Jicinsky said.

Advertising on Logo is also planned.

We love Las Vegas, not only for the blackjack tables with free liquor! entertainment options, but also for the plethora of gay showboys you can meet when they go get after-performance drinks. We're thrilled the city wants us to officially join their party. Although we fear they still may be slightly out of touch with our community, evident by the fact that (a) it's not so much gay people who watch Queer Eye as it is straight women; and (b) no one really uses the term "American homosexuals" anymore. Give us a call, Vegas, we'd be happy to help bring you up to date.

• Baltimore in Vegas via NYC. Hairspray heads to the desert. [Playbill]

• “Johnny Weir didn't actually skate all that badly yesterday. He was just distracted.” By this guy’s package. [The Malcontent]

• Some of the top 24 contestants on American Idol are a bit old, no? 29 is not old we know, but for American Idol? [Just Jared]

• Rich’s take on Project Runway’s final three. We’ll miss Kara too. [Four Four]

• She’s back! Catch a peek at Basic Instinct 2. [Made In Brazil]

• We’ve helped start a trend. Lesbians are this year’s new hot accessory! [Manhattan Offender]

• Our boyfriends never pack our lunch. Neither did our mothers. If they did we’d insist they use these camo sandwich bags. They are the shit. [Cool Hunting]

• The porn industry is gathering in Las Vegas for the GayVN Expo and John Russell promises to blog all of his dirty deeds. [Romancing The Bone]

• And if that gets you all hot and bothered, Bo Wildwood will be start writing today from Vegas as well. Who knew porn people could wipe the lube and jizz from their hands long enough to hop behind a keyboard. [Plowed]

• Jon Stewart has been tapped to host the Oscars. This should be good. [LA Times]

Hollywood’s finest, Heidi Fleiss, is set to open Heidi’s Stud Farm, a male whorehouse 80 miles northwest of Vegas in the suggestively-named Pahrump, Nevada. She has already signed a sex figure, whoops, a six figure deal with HBO for a documentary on her den of penile iniquity. Whoring is legal in Nevada, but all present statutes refer to a whore as “she.” Explaining why it’s high time to rewrite those statutes, Madam Fleiss says: “What’s good for the goose should be good for the gander.”

The Nevada Brothel Association isn’t quite sure what to make of this revolutionary whorehouse. On the one hand, their FAQ web page provides an answer to the question: “How do I get directions to a brothel?” Floozies are shown pointing at a map; wherever paid whoopee is available, one sees a Valentine’s heart, as if Tina Turner never asked what love had to do with it.

On the other hand, the NBA fears that a male whorehouse could motivate conservatives to ban prostitution altogether. No mind; Fleiss’s first hire is former soap heartthrob Lester James Brandt, shown in the photo. Let’s hope he gives good bang for the buck, at $250 per hour.

We have such a love/hate relationship with Las Vegas. Sure it’s blatantly commercial and sensationalist, but it took us a few bitch sessions to realize that’s exactly what we love about it.

By far the gayest place to stay in the city is the Blue Moon Resorts. It’s just off the strip and owned by queers for queers. But our favorite hotel by far is the Hard Rock Hotel; Music-themed and some of the airiest rooms in the desert.

Vegas food isn’t just about buffets anymore. There are tons of incredible restaurants all over town. We love Fix in the Bellagio. The food’s not cheap but this is where you’ll find killer banana bread pudding. Best of all is the cool modern interior with a gorgeously curved wooden roof and lights that flood the restaurant in shades of tangerine.

Gay nightlife used to be shockingly tame in Vegas. Kinda still is. But it’s gotten a swift kick in the ass with the recent opening of the massive Krave complex, The only gay club will ask a lot of you; With a $20 cover and strict dress code you get handed all night dancing.

Of course if you’re going to Vegas, hitting up a couple of queens is a must. Both Celine and that bitch Elton have shows at Caesar’s Palace.

God, we’re such fags. Last drunken weekend we spent in Vegas we insisted our boyfriend take us to the chapel where Britney Spears married her 55-hour first husband, wearing a midriff-baring top and torn jeans. We were so excited but complained about it the whole time we were there.