Three panel image. On the left, a photoshopped selfie of Mark Zuckerberg superimposing facial hair on him. In the middle, a dark haired model in a mesh jersey reading "Trash." On the far right, a candle resembling an espresso martini lit on a table.

If you took a look at my social media feeds right now, you’d think the entire world was Taylor Swift. No past, no present, no future –– just The Tortured Poets Department.

(And to be fair, that’s not as hyperbolic as you’d think, considering her new, Charlie Puth-referencing record broke Spotify records in less than 12 hours.)

Nevertheless, I can confirm that the world outside of Swifties has continued spinning!

This week in LGBTQ+ news gave us Luke Evans’ hunky birthday post, some ally love from the iconic Paula Abdul, and Kit Connor‘s plans for a Broadway debut. Plus, Courtney Love got messy, Sarah Paulson dished on her gay best friend, and we learned about a potential prehistoric pairing between Jonathan Bailey and Colman Domingo.

In other corners of Taylor’s internet, we’ve been making summer plans, painting it pink, and even thirsting over a tech CEO. Lord, forgive us.

Without further ado, here are the 10 things we’re obsessed with this week…

1. Espresso Martini Candle

Two panel image. On the left, a martini glass filled with tan wax to resemble an espresso martini, but it's a lit candle with three espresso beans on top. On the right, the same candle from a closer angle.
Image Credit: Etsy

The perfect espresso martini is almost visceral, a frothy and energizing concoction so specific that you can almost close your eyes and conjure the aroma. But you don’t have to visit a bar, buy an espresso machine, or even imbibe for a whiff anymore, thanks to the Espresso Martini Candle (on sale for $24.29 at Etsy).

This hand-crafted, 9oz soy candle comes in a luxe glass with espresso beans sprinkled atop. In fact, it resembles the beloved gay cocktail so closely that you may be tempted to take a sip. (I recommend extinguishing it first if you’re going to take it that far!)

2. Soft-launching summer with sunny decor

Three panel image. On the left, a transparent plastic strawberry cup with a red straw. In the middle, a doormat that reads "Sun's Out, Buns Out" with a corgi illustration laying on a towel. On the far right, a green, blue, red, yellow, and white striped cotton towel.
Image Credit: Target

The New York City temps dared to venture above 60 degrees for a whole three days this week… before happily submitting to the gray. To be fair, the quick pivot was expected, considering the first day of summer is two months away. Nevertheless, this seasonal tease was enough to remind me that sunny days are coming once again.

If you’re similarly ready to skip the April showers and bring on the May flowers, might I suggest a summer soft-launch? These quick picks from Target –– like the 20oz Strawberry Tumbler ($6), Corgi Dog Doormat ($13), and Vintage Striped Printed Plush Throw Blanket ($12) –– might just be enough to help you forget that the heater is still on.

3. Fake hot Mark Zuckerberg

Excuse my French, but what the Zuck?! This Photoshop-dusted pic (right) of Mark Zuckerberg, the CEO of Facebook or Meta or whatever they’re calling it now, went viral this week and instantly had the gays ready to risk their data it all.

Unfortunately, cyber sleuths quickly debunked the facial hair glow-up with the original photo (left). That being said, if the viral moment inspires the 39-year-old to put down the razor IRL, I wouldn’t be mad.

4. “Better Be Good To Me” by Tina Turner

I love a “New Music Friday” as much as the next person, but in the constant search for novel bops, it’s easy to forget about the classics. I was reminded of the iconic, Grammy Award-winning 1984 hit that is “Better Be Good to Me” after it showed up in a recent episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race, and it’s stayed in rotation ever since. The drama! The power! The hair!

As we venture further into Pop Girl Spring with new Bey, Tay, and Dua, consider this your sign to give our herstoric legends some spins too.

5. Troye Sivan & Charli XCX embarking on the gayest tour ever

A wise philosopher named Erika Jayne once said, “I’m gonna give the gays everything they want.” Now, Troye Sivan and Charli XCX are about to do just that with a co-headlining jaunt across North America this fall. News of their “Sweat” tour hit Gay Twitter X like a rush of poppers, with well-placed ads appearing on Grindr in record time. Although its perspiring title has some fans stressing the importance of deodorant. LOL.

Let’s be honest, this is already the hottest (and gayest) ticket of the year, especially since Troye has yet to tour post last summer’s Sivanaissance. Get your trigger finger –– and pocketbook –– ready for when tickets go on sale on April 26. May the odds be ever in your gay-vor.

6. Barbiecue

Image Credit: Heinz

What do plastic dolls eat at the cookout? “Barbiecue,” of course. In hopes of cashing in on last summer’s Barbie craze, Kraft Heinz Co. is partnering with Mattel to release a Barbie-pink colored BBQ sauce, starting with a limited-edition run on their UK website. (For the record, the sauce apparently gets its hue from beetroot extract. Not plastic shoes.)

While I’m a survivor of the disgusting-looking green and purple ketchups that plagued supermarket shelves in the early aughts, I’m surprisingly down. Call it an acquired taste… or marketing at its finest. And if you miss out on Barbiecue’s first run, consider testing out another kooky concoction like Pickle Flavored Ketchup ($4.68), Honeyracha Honey & Sriracha Sauce ($12.99) or Mayomust Mayonnaise & Mustard Sauce ($4.12).

7. Earth Day Undies

Three panel image. On the left, a purple pair of boxer briefs with a button fly with rainbow illustrations. In the middle, black crew socks with mushrooms. On the right, light blue boxer briefs with smiling daisy illustrations.
Image Credit: MeUndies

As far as spring holidays go, Earth Day gets the short end of the stick, nestled in between Easter’s religious trauma and Cinco de Mayo parties. But I think the gays can do better for our planet, considering Nature is literally Mother.

Now, will an earthy-themed pair of Boxer Briefs with or without a fly ($26) or Crew Socks ($14) end climate change? Probably not. But MeUndies boasts a selection that’s not only adorable, but ethically sourced and uber comfortable. Underwear you want to keep wearing? Sounds sustainable to me!

8. Ryan Murphy gifting us with an unexpected gay kiss

Is anyone watching American Horror Story: Delicate? Well, now they might be! I’m not caught up on the second half of Ryan Murphy’s new Rosemary’s Baby-esque series, but was absolutely gagged by this WLW moment in the latest episode. I’ll set the scene: we’re at the Oscars, and publicist Kim Kardashian is trying to comfort ingenue actress Emma Roberts, who’s, like, about to give birth.

OK, the details don’t really matter; the TLDR is they lock lips. Leave it to the Glee creator to always keep us guessing –– whilst shamelessly spreading the gay agenda!

9. This Mariah Carey-approved LGBTQ+ young adult novel

The cover for Ian Eagleton’s Glitter Boy ($15.53 on Amazon) reads, “When your life gets dark, let yourself shine bright.” It’s a fitting tagline for the young adult novel, which follows a tween trying to maintain his spark while navigating sexuality, family life, and hallway gossip. Just like the author, the main character finds strength via Mariah Carey’s impeccable discography.

At a time when books for LGBTQ+ youth are being targeted en masse, supporting relatable and healing stories like Eagleton’s has never been more important. Even Mariah gets it! As she wrote to the author on Twitter X, “YOU are an inspiration!!!”

10. Fulfilling my football jersey fantasies

Three panel image of three men wearing translucent football jerseys. On the far left, a man wears a black top that reads "Evil Gay." In the middle, a man models a blue option reading "Trash." On the far right, a man stands posed in a red jersey reading "Stud."
Image Credit: Peachy Kings

Go team! Despite having no hand-eye coordination nor interest in sports, I always envied the footballers who got to stalk the high school halls in their jerseys. (Not a luxury afforded to the quirky kids like me who wore awkwardly-cut short-shorts on the cross-country team.)

Thankfully, the fantasy is still within reach via Peachy Kings‘ playful new football jersey collection (from $39.99). Channel Jennifer Coolidge on team “Evil Gay,” rock what you got with “Stud,” or just be honest and go for “Trash.”

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