TORTURED TWINS

The World According To The Benham Brothers

Screen-shot-2015-03-02-at-11.30.56-AM-360x187The world is a terrifying place. At least according to the Benham Brothers.

Since having their show yanked from HGTV after being exposed for the homophobes they are, the twins have made it their personal mission to warn everyone about the secret war being waged against Christians.

Most recently, the twins claimed they healed a gay man of his homosexual desires by offering him tickets to a Cubs game. (We’ll take some tickets, too, but we’re not making any promises.)

“We had so many people from the gay community reaching out to us and one man in particular from the city of Chicago reached out,” David Benham said during a panel discussion last week. “After a little conversation back and forth, I found out he loved baseball … and I got him tickets to a Cubs game. He shot me a Facebook post and said, ‘I was not expecting that — and I’ve been thinking a lot about this. I’ve chosen to walk away from my lifestyle.’”

Just like that!

Scroll down for six more pearls of insight from America’s most notorious failed reality stars…

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Gay marriage will cause every building in America constructed after the year 2012 to topple:

In the The Christian Post, David Benham claimed marriage equality literally would cause buildings to crumble, writing: “If we redefined how many inches were in a foot we would weaken every structure built-in America moving forward. In 20 years the only buildings or houses left standing would be those built prior to 2012. In the same way, if we redefine marriage it would weaken the very moral structure of society. In 20 years the only marriages left standing would be those that held to God’s original standard.”

Freedom

Christians should think of themselves as Mel Gibson in the movie Braveheart:

“Just like in the movie Braveheart,” Jason Benham told the crowd at the Faith & Freedom Coalition’s Road to Majority 2014 conference in Washington, D.C., last July, “when all the Scottish Army was standing there, and they all had their gear on, and they were lined up and they were unified, and they were ready to fight but not a single one of them wanted to fight. And then as William Wallace and a few men rode in on horses with blue face paint on. They were ready to pick a fight, and what I see before me right now are a bunch of people with some blue face paint on – so let’s go get it!”

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Gay people are like Nazi bullets, only worse:

During that same speech at the “Road to Majority 2014,” Jason Benham also said: “We just remember June the 6th, 1944. We know what happened at D-Day. We know what happened on Omaha and Utah beach. There’s something about those men that our dad taught us when we were kids, and he said: ‘Boys, don’t you ever run from bullets. You run toward the bullets.’”

Hmmm. Why not just duck?

He continued: “There are cultural bullets flying, all over today, especially religious liberty, and what’s happening right now is many spiritual leaders, elected leaders, they are running from bullets. But there’s a remnant of people that are ready to stand and say’ ‘I’m not running from these bullets any more! I’m going to take this beach!’”

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Michael Sam is totally awesome but he’s “not healthy for us…as a nation”:

During an interview with The Blaze in May 2014, David Benham opined that he believed Michael Sam was “a talented football player” but that “homosexual expressions outside of the context of traditional, historic marriage between a man and a woman are not healthy for us as individuals, or for us as a nation.”

But don’t think this means he’s being judgmental or anything. He’s totally not. After all, he’s a sinner, too.

“God doesn’t love all of my actions,” he said. “My heterosexual adulterous longings, at times, he doesn’t love that. Those must stop. And it’s the same way for any type of action that’s outside of the will of God.”

Good luck with that.

ISIS

Christians are just like ISIS beheading victims (minus actually having their heads sliced off):

While speaking at the Values Voter Summit in Washington, D.C. in September 2014, David Benham warned the crowd of a “radical agenda that has come in our nation.”

“The weapon of choice for the agenda in the Middle East is a sword, but the weapon of choice for the agenda in America is silence,” Benham cautioned. “ISIS is filled with rage. They are empowered by a demonic, blood-thirsty spirit that needs to be confronted and dealt with, not tiptoed through the tulips…The plot to silence the beliefs of Christians in this nation, thank god it’s not through a sword. It’s just in the form of silence…They demand silence.”

We think silence in the tulips sounds kinda nice, actually.

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The reason gay people like to have sex is because Satan is “a counterfeit” who wants to destroy all life:

During an appearance today on “AFA Today” in February 2015, Jason Benham accused Satan of being personally responsible for gay sex.

“Satan is a big phony!” he cried. “He’s a big counterfeit! He’s always going to attack sex because the goal of sex is life, it’s life in your marriage, it’s physical life with children, it’s offspring, and the Devil is making war against the offspring of the woman, which means that the Devil hates life. Jesus came to bring life, the Devil, I come to destroy life!”

Satan is kinda hot.

Related stories:

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The Craziest Damn Shiz Conservatives Have Said About Gay People