Let’s face it… bisexual erasure remains all too real. Even within the LGBTQ community, bisexual people can often face discrimination or prejudice.
Just because some gay men chose to identify as bisexual on their journey to self-acceptance, it can lead them think that all bisexual men must similarly be only half out of the closet. This is simply not the case.
Related: Pro hockey player Zach Sullivan comes out as bisexual
Fed up with being made to feel his identity is not real, one British Twitter user posted a photo of himself with the hashtag #BisexualMenExist.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
“The biphobia towards Bi men recently has been so shit and honestly, in MY LGBT+ history month?! How dare!” said Vaneet Mehta (@nintendomad888). “So I’m bring back #BisexualMenExist for some much needed positivity! Drop a pic below with the hashtag and RT this thread! Allies, also RT! I’ll start!”
The biphobia towards Bi men recently has been so shit and honestly, in MY LGBT+ history month?! How dare! So I’m bring back #BisexualMenExist for some much needed positivity! Drop a pic below with the hashtag and RT this thread! Allies, also RT! I’ll start! 💖💜💙 pic.twitter.com/BYl1D2hzvV
— Vaneet Mehta #20ThemTy 🌺 (@nintendomad888) February 24, 2020
The tweet has since gone viral and prompted a huge response, with Vaneet clarifying that those who identify as pan or anything other than mono-sexual are welcome to contribute.
“I use bisexual. But every non-monosexual is welcome! Pansexual, Omnisexual, polysexual, bicurious! Whatever term you want to use, you’re valid!”
Oh, and in case you’re wondering, although the US is celebrating Black History Month at the moment, February in the UK is LGBT History Month (with its Black History Month later in the year), so that’s the month Vaneet is referring to.
The pictures started to flood in.
Oooo existing is fun! #BisexualMenExist pic.twitter.com/2Fce5A4h5Z
— Homie Homo 💗💜💙 (@_kingmuh_) February 25, 2020
#BisexualMenExist honey 💖💜💙 Thank u for bringing this back! pic.twitter.com/BaVlAhoKGO
— ▗ʎɹuǝɥ (@xdesro) February 24, 2020
Happily married to my wife for 15 and a half years! I love to cosplay, vote, and I write books with a bi protagonist!#BisexualMenExist pic.twitter.com/I7jjAAdzD9
— William C. Tracy (@wctracy) February 25, 2020
Yes we exist and our legitimacy should NEVER ever have to be questioned. #BisexualMenExist pic.twitter.com/n8KNWMN4YK
— Justin (@Jtheartist93) February 25, 2020
#BisexualMenExist, and we’re still bi even if we’re in relationships with women. pic.twitter.com/XCkhVYWVXy
— Clint Worthington (@clintworthing) February 25, 2020
My bisexual girlfriend is very happy that #BisexualMenExist (as am I!) pic.twitter.com/LjkLGpZpXa
— Simonotron (@hotmessdisco) February 25, 2020
#BisexualMenExist Me and my best buddy @QVegan We’re both pan pic.twitter.com/INBl9vLdWz
— Practice homosexualism occasionally (@artofstumbling) February 24, 2020
#BisexualMenExist, and we’re still bi even if we’re in relationships with women. pic.twitter.com/XCkhVYWVXy
— Clint Worthington (@clintworthing) February 25, 2020
Trans, bi, autistic and proud #BisexualMenExist pic.twitter.com/mdyox0J53Z
— Didi (@Adi_Anhang) February 25, 2020
Proud to be bi pic.twitter.com/W1Nr3emzdo
— Ꮓαcн N 🪐🦌 (@AyoZach) February 24, 2020
🙋🏾♂️🤪💙💗💜#bisexualmenexist pic.twitter.com/TL30DVLFsj
— Peppa Pig Hate Account (@JRYussuf) February 24, 2020
#BisexualMenExist and have weird hair days sometimes. pic.twitter.com/uIsKfvo4vZ
— Will, A Firehawk (@will_wagner) February 25, 2020
Scrolled for a hot minute and saw no latinx guys but we out here #bisexualmenexist pic.twitter.com/OzIQEac6m2
— cinammon dolce spic (@BabyBatterBabe) February 25, 2020
#BisexualMenExist We exist and so do our pets, annoyed with us taking pics of them pic.twitter.com/8u3bmIntEd
— Tomas Kyle the WereBi 🌙 (@TomasKylexxx) February 24, 2020
You’re damned right #BisexualMenExist Glad to help represent this group, especially in the black community. #biphobia and #bierasure are real, but don’t let them stop you from living out loud! https://t.co/C9kDdyqf77 pic.twitter.com/9w7eCVslWh
— Terrence Dobbs (@terresaurus) February 25, 2020
This bisexual guy certainly exists, and he’s not ashamed to! pic.twitter.com/gG2OQBIGLN
— Matt Moore (@MattMooreJourno) February 25, 2020
Did someone say bisexual?? Hello! #BisexualMenExist pic.twitter.com/cY4WOs2IcJ
— Omar Sakr (@OmarjSakr) February 25, 2020
While I’m at it, not only do #BisexualMenExist but some of us are greedy and non-monogamous and that’s totally fine and doesn’t make us untrustworthy or deceptive. It just makes us a bit slutty tbh 💕 pic.twitter.com/JQsgaJZUyF
— Simonotron (@hotmessdisco) February 25, 2020
#BisexualMenExist This thread has been extremely validating…got some happy tears wellin’ up 😂 A bit late to the party, but I’ve been increasingly accepting my being bi/pan and nonbinary (he/they), so there’s no better time to come out and let the world know! 😁 pic.twitter.com/c0AOXnozZc
— Jeffrey McGeehan (@DuelBlade5) February 25, 2020
My bi BF exists and says trans rights! pic.twitter.com/C7cvnWbpgR
— Levi (@bulno_saur) February 24, 2020
Vaneet told Queerty he was “really surprised” his tweet went so viral.
“I created the hashtag a year ago, during a similar period where there was a lot of biphobia being aimed at my bisexual friends who were men. It got noticed, but not nearly on this scale. I didn’t expect it to trend, or for people to use it to come out!”
Related: Meet the guy who hopes to become California’s first openly bisexual state legislator
Why, when there are so many bisexual people out there, does Vaneet believe their identities are so commonly erased?
“I think the world we live in likes to deal in binaries,” he said. “You’re either one of the other. Bisexual doesn’t make sense in this world, where our attraction can be to more than one gender. Because of this world, we often get erased.
“Bisexual men are seen to be closeted. Bisexual women are straight and just doing it for attention. We face rejection from society and the LGBT+ community, so people hide it to live an easier life.”
Donston
Even as someone who is now inherently pan-sexual and has contended with degrees of fluidity, I just don’t feel very connected to the “bi movement”, especially from a social media perspective. And that disappoints me. I’m not trying to kill anyone’s “pride”. But it really is time for the bi conversation to evolve. Yes, there are still some ignorant or simpleminded people out here, but most folks are well aware that there are many males who are not entirely hetero or homo. Conversations around trauma, mental health struggles, confusions, internalized homophobia, self-misandry are mostly paid dust when speaking about bisexuality, despite those things affecting bi/pan/fluid males at a slightly higher rate. While there are many males who are inherently bi but embrace “straight” or “gay” or “queer” identities for whatever reasons, or they choose not to embrace identities at all. And they have a right to do that.
When are just going to accept that everyone is different? That everyone has their own motivations and journeys? That the gender, romantic, affection, sexual, emotional fulfillment, relationship preference/contentment spectrum is extremely wide and varied? The focus should be on people being honest and living their lives freely, not adhering to identities or any particular “movement”. Too much of the “bi agenda” is driven by sociology, ego and identity politics. “Bi guys” constantly complaining about people thinking that they’re “gay” (god forbid!) or complaining about “erasing”- it’s been tired, and it’s often problematic. Time to evolve the conversation.
ShiningSex
that being said. many don’t understand or accept the concepts of “pan” “asexual”…etc. etc.
if a person’s sexuality varies, I see that as being bi. You either like men, women, or trans. Nothing wrong with that. I think the excessive “labels” that “pan” “asexual” “gender fluid” etc. has created so much confusion. It’s almost as if “EVERYONE” wants their own label.
I do think these can be simplified because I see the “grey area” as “bi”.
What’s wrong with that?
I think people are complicating things more than they need to.
That being said, i hate it when “bi” people say that want to end up with a person of the opposite sex and have a family. They’re choosing a side and it’s not based on “love” but what’s expected in society sadly.
Josh447
Wow what a beautiful collection of bi guys. So proud of so many authentic people owning their truth and moving forward to give others role models to look to. It’s moving fast compared to 20 years ago.
Why do some people bellyache about sexual authenticity evolving. It’s happening. All in good time.
So bring on the gay unevolved “bi today gay tomorrow” crowd. The “bi doesn’t exist cuz I don’t feel like them” crowd. Give em time they’ll get out of their tunnel vision right wing Billy Graham mode. In God’s good time.
Donston
Not that you ever want to hear from me, but here’s part of the reason I “bellyache” and why many others do as well:
I’ve been asked more than a handful of times if I hate women. If I have some type of sexual attractions and sexual enjoyment towards females then why would I rather get persistent attention, affections, passions, comfort, commitment from my same sex? A couple of guys have asked me if I hated women, but more than a couple of women have asked. And a few of those women were “queer”. A lot of females want nothing to do with men who aren’t entirely hetero in every way. Yet, many assume that you must hate women if you’re not a homo but have overall same-sex preferences, ambitions and fulfillment. These are the types of perspectives we need to try killing. I have to deal with a lot of ignorance from every direction. And honestly, I realize that the core problems are everyone’s doing, not just “gays” or “straights”. I’m tired of the conversation being entirely self-pitying, finger-pointing and shallow.
We need to be out here making sure people understand the dimensions of orientation. We need to be making sure people understand that fluidity is a real experience for many and many people experience fluidity differently. We need people to understand how traumas or confusions can emotionally and psychologically affect people. We need to help people understand the romantic, sexual, affection, emotional investment, relationship contentment spectrum. Merely preaching identity politics and constantly complaining about people thinking that you’re “gay” is not getting it done. It’s a passe perspective. And there are often problematic elements underneath that type of persistent agenda. It feels like too much “bi pride” stuff, especially from the male perspective, is still stuck in the 90s. It’s still stuck on desperately not wanting people to see you as “gay” or “straight” (despite many straight and gay identifying people being bi and some being unabashedly bi). It’s still stuck in hetero-leaning worship, stuck in internalized homophobia and self-misandry, stuck in ego and sociology. All of this has a lot to do with why a lot of inherently bi people embrace straight, gay, queer, fluid identities, or they say that they don’t believe in “labels”, or they refuse to come out. And yet, “bi pride” folks just continue to solely blame the “gays” and the “straights”. If the bi guy pride crowd really wants evolution then the conversation has got to evolve past this type of self-pity, egomania and cliched, shallow complaints.
balttymore
Seems like being a trans man and bisexual are connected
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Please do explain…
Den
Really?
How?
Seems more like transmen are gay or straight or bi or whatever they happen to be, at least the ones I know of. Same for transwomen. Same for anybody actually.
Josh
I adore bi guys and have dated quite a few along my merry way. I don’t have any issue with polly guys either who want to date both men and women at the same time. Bring it. Sexuality, like the world, is wonderful and diverse. As long as its between consenting adults, have at it.
Donston
You sound more like someone who places hetero-leaning guys on pedestals and goes after dudes who are in relationships with females. This isn’t the type of language someone who merely embraces the entire spectrum and accepts all people uses. But you do you.
ShiningSex
I wouldn’t date a bi male because some of the crap I’ve seen them say it gross.
Things like: “I like men but one day I hope to settle down with a woman and have kids”. Really? So only straight couples have kids? I’ve dated bi guys early in my 20s, but never worked. A lot of them were just wanting sex from a man and not a relationship and I don’t do that. Also, a lot of bi men are a few years from saying “I’m gay”. Many gay men first stated being bi even though they knew they were queens.
Yes bi does exist, but I wouldn’t want to be with someone “that sometimes feels like a nut and sometimes they don’t”. I’ll pass.
Josh447
Josh,
Excellent! So nice to see someone who isn’t slicing and dicing everything sex and someone else’s reality in order to fix his own personal world in 5 mins. Just doesn’t work that way.
Loved your comment.
Enjoy!
Donston
Josh447, please resist sub-tweeting me and throwing lame shade. I have witnessed real struggles, have had in-depth conversations with many people over the years, and yes, have had my own struggles. What these dudes present on social media does not reflect the reality of what a lot of people go through, and it does not reflect a lot of nuanced issues. If the only real “bi guy” issue is a percentage of people thinking you’re “gay” or “straight” then you ain’t got no real issues. However, we both know the issues and tensions extend way beyond that. Most inherently bi/pan and bi identifying guys don’t even care that much about that shit. Most couldn’t care less about identities. Identity is just a way for them to function in the world. Identity politics represents the most small part of the real struggle. Yet, many of these dudes on social media treat it like it’s everything. I’m sorry that I don’t push basic agendas and identity politics. You can stay focused on all of that, and I’ll stay delving into the real shit.
Bi/pan guys and dudes who have experienced fluidity or confusions- we do have some of our own unique struggles and issues. But those struggles and issues are rarely given proper nuance. Instead, almost every “bi guy” article on every website is centered around erasing or desperately not wanting people to see you as “gay” or “straight”. I’m tired of the “bi guy” narrative being mostly whining about “straights” and “gays”. I’m tired of the persistent fetishizing of anyone who isn’t entirely hetero and homo. This is the kind of stuff I keep seeing all over the internet and especially social media. There’s so much more to queer struggles than that stuff. There’s so much more to understanding yourself and others than that. And there’s a lot of uncomfortable territories people are afraid to dig into. We just really need to stop pushing identity politics, self-pity and finger pointing above all else. A lot of people understand what I’m saying and agree with it. My perspective is something plenty of inherently bi, bi identifying, used to be bi people support. They just don’t often directly say it on social media for fear of “Twitter queers” coming at them. And the fact that the vast majority of guys who joined in on this hashtag are with women, with trans people, is trans or is single is telling.
frankcar1965
You are way too obviously a shill, just to keep things ticking and the money rolling in. Do not rely to “Donston” The longer they keep you on the website the more money they make.
Donston
I wish someone would pay me for my insight.
debonairlad19
ADD ME ON INSTAGRAM GUYS
MY ID: debonairlad19
Jared MacBride
Most people are bisexual – many choose not to act on it.
Donston
I wouldn’t go so far as to say that most people are “bi”. I do think maybe the majority of people experience some type of curiosities or fluidities in their life, but only a small percentage of people (particularly dudes) have substantial attractions, passions, romantic interest, romantic fulfillment towards males and females. However, folks are now recognizing how individual sexuality can be, that fluidity is a real experience for some, and are recognizing how complex or contradictory the gender, romantic, affection, emotional, relationship contentment spectrum can be. A lot of what pushes the bi agenda just feels outdated nowadays. While a lot of “bi pride” people seem to be pissed about there being a percentage of individuals who will admit to not being entirely hetero or homo but will still embrace straight, gay, queer, fluid identities, or will claim no identities at all. Their complaints are coming off very childish and old-hat in today’s world. The whole “queer conversation” is evolving, and they’re still mostly stuck on “I don’t want people to see me as ‘gay”.
Den
Based on what?
Your imagination? “Queer Theory” (essentially some author’s imagination)?
Empirical studies indicate over and over that most people are heterosexual, some indulge curiosity at some point, a few are bisexual and a few are homosexual…there is some overlap and some fluidity over a persons life (especially for women apparently).
There is NO empirical support for the belief that most people are bisexual. And without empirical support it is just wishful thinking or imagination.
Donston
Den, most studies tend to conclude that either everyone is bisexual or that bisexuality and fluidity aren’t real. A few years ago The New York Times did extensive, months long studies and experiments on 100 bi identifying guys. They concluded that 71 were homo and 29 were hetero. They concluded that none were bi. Other studies and experiments on straight identifying people or people who identify as an array of different things concluded that most or all of the subjects were at least a bit “bi”. Kinsey’s work was based mostly on questionnaires and observations, not science. So, folks need to stop depending on his work if they’re looking for definite facts and science. Scientists and doctors haven’t even found anything that can pin-point homosexuality. They have only gathered attributes that you are more likely to find in homosexuals.
These studies and experiments tend to be contradictory, inconsistent or inconclusive because sexuality is a multitude of different things. It’s attraction, arousal, desire, fantasy, passion, sexual comfort, and preference/fulfillment. It’s really hard to scale those things, especially if fluidity is at play. While it’s impossible to scale stuff like affections, romantic intensity, emotional fulfillment, relationship contentment. And people identify as whatever they identify as for a number of different reasons. We depend too much on stats and science to guide us, just like we depend too much on identity and sociology. No, I definitely don’t think most people can fit into “bisexual”. However, everything you read about sexuality is still mostly “queer theory”. None of it has genuine empirical support. It’s really difficult to connect sex and orientation with straight-up science because so much of sexuality, orientation and identity is based on psychology, ego, experience and sociology. But people keep looking for something to validate them.
ShiningSex
Bisexuality does exist, but if you a “bi” person stating that one day you want to marry a person of the opposite sex and have kids, YOU ARE NOT BI. You have issues. A true bi person wouldn’t/couldn’t say if they’d fall in love with a man or woman and marry either. If it’s love, then it’s love. Saying you’d END UP marrying a person of the opposite sex show your ignorance.
Have the balls and come out either way.
C_Alan
It’s a well-known scientific fact that bisexuality can only be proven by one’s browser history.
nunya
Before the internet, it was whichever gender you fantasized about when masturbating determined your orientation.
kernowcraig
I’m bi-sexual and frustrated as hell that I have to constantly defend it. I’ve had happy relationships with both men and women. I’m now married to a wonderful guy, so I must be gay right!! Thats always what I hear. “Bi now gay later” etc etc Being married to a guy hasn’t taken my attraction away for women. Just accept people are attracted to and love who they are attracted to and Love. no different to what the LGBTQ+ community has been saying for ever!
nunya
Why do you feel the need to defend it?
Donston
If you truly are secure and confident and you are happy in your same-sex marriage then you wouldn’t be so damn offended by a percentage of folks thinking that you’re “gay”. Stop being so damn obsessed with identity politics and what some randoms call you. I’ve been called gay, bi, pan, queer, confused- the shit didn’t matter to me. If folks stop giving a shit about identity, stop desperately trying to adhere to some idea of what this or that identity is and stop looking for social approval then the world would be a much better place. Just live your life honestly and do whatever you really want to. That’s real freedom. At the very least, “proudly bi guys” need to find something else to complain about beyond not wanting to be seen as “gay”. The fact that that seems to be only thing they bring up just makes the entire “bi guy” movement come off petty, egocentric, and borderline homophobic. As I’ve mentioned several times, the conversations and the complaints need to evolve.
Josh447
Kernowcraig,
I can see how being mischaractorized can be an a1 point of contention. If you’re black you don’t want to be called white right?
As Donston portrayed, he doesn’t care about labels and neither should you bc well he’s writing social policy in his big black head and that’s it for him and everyone else. (but really he’s white red and yellow. And he shouldn’t care what he’s called by his standards, but for our sake he’s a black guy, really)
It upsets you that someone would call you gay when you’re really bi. Very valid issue. Education is part of our job.
Let’s just say this isn’t the first time Donston has slid off the rails due to mental health issues.
Defend yourself to the max bc sexuality labels are important however, beyond bi gay straight, they fall apart to the general public.
Good luck to you and keep correcting people when you can and educating them when they’ll listen. Every little bit helps. And don’t pay too much mind to Donston, if he’s smart he’d ditch this site and go write a book on sexual public policy to include all his mish mash meanderings. It’ll drive his editor nuts and hopefully keep him gone and busy for many many years.
nunya
Waaaaah! Waaaaaaah! Waaaaaaah! People won’t accept me! Waaaaah! Waaaaaah! Waaaaaah! I’m constantly having to defend myself! Waaaaaah!Waaaaaaah!Waaaaaah! First world problems. Personally, I need anyone’s acceptance or approval. Took me a bunch of years to reach this point, but when you just don’t give a damned what anyone else thinks of you or your choices, you truly become free.
nunya
CORECTION: I don’t need anyone’s acceptance or approval.
Den
“I don’t need anyone’s acceptance or approval.”
Your childish post kind of gives lie to that statement. Were you at all self-accepting, or not (perhaps) a bitter troll, you would have no need to act infantile in labeling others as less highly developed emotionally than you. Your level of judgement and childish excoriation implies you are neither “free”, nor emotionally mature.
But of course you won’t be able to understand that.
Den
So…a little truth in headlines here. These are photos of some interesting and in some cases attractive bisexual people, but they are very ordinary social network selfies. There is not one beautiful or even expert photo in the bunch.
So how about “Twenty one brave men remind us bisexual men exist.”
Or, “21 great posts remind us…”
But beautiful PHOTOS? No.
balehead
I guess it’s better to say you are Bi than “femme”?….too obvious….