Rather often these days, a self-identified “straight” public figure will be caught acting rather, well, “gay.” Maintaining a Grindr profile, for instance. Soliciting sex in a public restroom. Or being snapped by paparazzi getting cozy with another dude on the beach. And when this occurs, you can bet the man who is caught, ahem, red handed, will quickly come up with an explanation (rationalization?) for the behavior.
Some excuses are more believable than others. Some are downright bizarro. But we’ll let you decide which ones are legit.
Check out these allegedly “straight” guys and the excuses they’ve made after being caught acting gay.
“I did it for the money”: Paul Canon and his gay-for-pay adult film career
The gay-for-pay adult film actor “came out” to his family earlier this year during a trip home to discuss his career for a Broke Straight Boys produced reality series.
Dressed in a black t-shirt that read “I’m not gay, but $1000 is $1000,” the 22-year-old said: “I really don’t care about defining my own sexuality. At this point now, I don’t like labels, I can’t stand labels.”
Then he said he was sexually attracted to women.
His family, however, was not convinced. Canon’s father said he believed his son was gay. His two brothers agreed, saying they always felt he preferred men to women.
Eventually, Canon caved. Sort of. He said okay, maybe he liked guys, but he also liked girls.
“I guess I would be considered bisexual,” he meditated. “The reason I don’t like labels like that is bisexuality has this negative connotation of being confused, and I’m definitely not confused. I mean, I know what I like. I definitely find women attractive, but then there’s certain aspects of men that I find attractive.”
What can we say? Other than he’s 22.
“I’m being targeted because I’m a celebrity”: Aaron Rodgers and those “uncool” tweets
The Green Bay Packers quarterback found himself at the center of gay rumors late last year when a number of now-deleted tweets from the Twitter account of Kevin Lanflisi, the man who worked as Rodgers’ “personal assistant” and lived in his home as “a roommate” for the several years, were unearthed by an internet spy. In addition to some rather dramatic language, the tweets included pictures of Rodgers and Lanslisi hanging out on the beach, roadtripping across California, and attending a Justin Bieber concert.
The whole incident prompted Rodgers to “come out” as “straight” on his Milwaukee radio program. “I’m just going to say I’m not gay,” Rodgers said on 540 WAUK-AM in Milwaukee. “I really, really like women. That’s all I can really say about that.”
He added that one of the downsides to stardom is “crazy rumors that swirl around you from time to time,” adding that the whole gay rumor thing was part of the “uncool” side of celebrity.
Really, Aaron? Really?
“Just Chatting”: Matt Moore and that totally innocent Grindr account
When it was discovered the “ex-gay” activist Matt Moore had a secret Grindr profile, the 25-year-old born again Christian explained that “Basically I just wanted to see who was on it and who was around me. I can honestly say that I didn’t have any kind of sexual conversations with anyone. Anyone who sent me any kind of explicit photos or conversations, I blocked immediately.”
Did you catch that? He blocked them immediately. Since you really can’t block everyone on Grindr, we suggest he would have better luck deleting his profile.
“He was just a client”: Joe Simpson and male model
When pics of Joe Simpson and a 21-year-old dude frolicking on the beach together surfaced online last summer, the 56-year-old businessman tweeted: “More mis-information in the new [sic]. The guy in the pics is my modeling Client. He was in Miami taking agency meetings. That’s it!!”
Hmmm. We don’t usually cavort on the beach with our clients, but hey as excuses go it may not be the worst. At least he wasn’t on Gridr blocking peeps.
Of course, there is a broader context here. It wasn’t the first time gay rumors swirled around the former minister. In 2012, a 32-year-old gay male escort shared the alleged details of his three-hour, $600 love fest with Mr. Simpson, claiming his “insatiable appetite for sex…never really tired.”
Simpson never responded to those allegations. But he did divorce his wife of 35 years, Tina, shortly after.
“I was asleep”: Antoine Dodson and the Black Hebrew Israelite descendants of Judah
Last year, Internet-sensation Antoine Dodson said the reason he was gay in the past was because he had been “asleep,” but now he was “awakened.” Not only that, but he was also “the True Chosen Hebrew Israelite descendant of Judah.”
“I have to renounce myself,” he said in a statement. “I’m no longer into homosexuality. I have been awaken by the great and so should you. Let’s be delivered from the wickedness of the world and live the way we should. The Most High bless all and have a beautiful evening. Israel wake up and take full power of who you are. I’m ready are you?”
What can we really say to that one?
“Mistaken gender identity”: Brett Ratner and the man he didn’t know was a man
In 2007, the Hollywood director/producer, who has a history of saying really stupid things, confessed that he once messed around with a guy. While promoting his film Rush Hour 3, Ratner said a BJ scene in the movie was inspired by his own experience.
“My first blow job was from a man, but I didn’t know it was a man,” he said. “It happens to a lot of people.”
Since Ratner “didn’t know” the person performing fellatio on his was a man, this means it doesn’t count as gay, naturally.
“Just payin’ off my debt”: Cathal McCarron and that gambling addiction
The Irish footballer made international headlines in April when video of him getting banged by another dude surfaced on an adult website.
After the footage emerged, 25-year-old McCarron went into hiding, deleting his Facebook and Twitter accounts and checking into rehab in the Irish countryside.
Though he’s never spoken publicly about the video, McCarron’s allies say he did the film only to pay off debts acquired from his gambling addiction.
“Everyone is shocked and stunned,” a former neighbor said at the time of the scandal. “No one can believe it and everyone is devastated for him. It’s a very sad story for Cathal. He’s had so many issues and he must be in a very bad place. We all hope he can pull through this.”
“I was drunk”: Ben Hobson and those pesky bipolar genes
The married father of two had everyone in tears when he shared his emotional coming out story in May of this year. Then in October, he backtracked, writing on his Facebook page: “I ‘fooled around’ with a guy while drunk a year ago and thought that meant I MUST be gay. Turns out my judgement was wrong. My mom must’ve passed down her bipolar genes onto me, but to a whole other level.”
A lapse in judgement as a result of inebriation and bipolar genes inherited from his suicidal mother. Classy.
“It’s not what it looked like”: Kerry Rhodes and his young male “assistant”
The former NFL star found himself at the center of gay rumors when shirtless photographs of him getting cozy with another man on the beach appeared online earlier this year.
Rhodes told TMZ it wasn’t what it looked like. “Photos have been circulating of my former assistant and I that have caused some rumors regarding my sexuality, and I want to address the situation,” he said. “I am not gay.”
But shortly after that, video of Rhodes half-naked and rolling around in bed with his “assistant” popped up online. It has since been deleted, but there are still plenty of screenshots floating around.
After the footage was released, a mysterious text message sent by Rhodes to an anonymous friend “leaked” to the media. In it, he alleged that he might be the father of Kim Kardashian’s baby.
“Man this could be my baby!!,” the text read. “I was f*cking her the same time as K.West was lol!!!”
So, obviously, this means he’s definitely, 100 percent straight.
“The wide stance”: Larry Craig and the false confession
The former Republican Senator from Idaho made national headlines in 2007 when he was arrested at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport on suspicion of lewd conduct after allegedly soliciting an undercover male cop for sex by tapping the man’s shoe under a stall in a bathroom.
Craig told investigators he hadn’t meant to tap the officer’s shoe, blaming the foot rubbing on his “wide stance.”
“I’m a fairly wide guy,” he said.
But authorities weren’t convinced.
After pleading guilty in court, Craig held a press conference to say that, even though he had pled guilty, he wasn’t really guilty:
I am not gay. I never have been gay…. In June, I overreacted and made a poor decision. I chose to plead guilty to a lesser charge in hopes of making it go away…. Please let me apologize to my family, friends and staff and fellow Idahoans for the cloud placed over Idaho. I did nothing wrong at the Minneapolis airport. I did nothing wrong, and I regret the decision to plead guilty and the sadness that decision has brought on my wife, on my family, friends, staff and fellow Idahoans.
Needless to say, he’s not in politics anymore.
Anyone else remember some particularly creative rationalizations? Let the world know in comments…