To put it gently, 2016 was something of a bummer… but let’s not delve into that too deeply for a moment.
Instead, let’s become forcefully superficial and slide down the surface of things.
One upside to the year that finally succeeded in making us feel our age: It was also the year male celebs, quasi-celebs, and even not-quite-quasi-celebs decided full-frontal nudity was something the world needed to see. Perhaps they rightly figured, “What difference does it make if I flash a little peen? The world is brinking on utter collapse anyway.”
Perhaps it all began with Alex Bowen, the aggressively handsome star of reality series Love Island, who couldn’t have been too terribly upset when an explicit photograph of himself started making the rounds back in June. You really can’t buy that kind of publicity.
A-List Hollywood apparently took note, with Orlando Bloom soon joining the coveted coven of male celebs with their own jaw-dropping penis pic leaks. Not to be outdone, fellow star, occasional romantic rival, and all-around runt Justin Bieber once again took off all his clothes to prove, once and for all, that he can be nude with the best of them.
Then he proved it again.
Hey, he proved it last summer, too.
Well, 50 Cent must’ve read about all this nudity business and decided he wanted in on the action — although he unconvincingly feigned outrage when an episode of Starz! original series Power (which he produces) showed him very naked indeed, apparently without his permission. Which, that was weird.
Hunky Brazilian Gymnasts Arthur Zanetti And Sergio Sasaki followed suit when some intriguing video footage surfaced.
And to be clear, this nudity of which we speak was a worldwide sensation: Leaked photos of former Dr. Who star Matt Smith demonstrated that the British actor does not always wear pants and on occasion has been known to doff his shirt. So now you know.
Oh, and was also that corrosive Finding Prince Charming guy Robert Sepulveda, who no one finds particularly charming. But no one can deny he’s often extraordinarily naked. Except, perhaps, his lawyers.
In 2016, these unabashedly nude men came from pracrically all walks of celebdom: the reality stars, the comedians, the rugby players, the soccer stars. Some are exhibitionists. Some were catfished. Most are exhibitionists who claimed they were catfished.
So is X-Factor contest Sam Callahan (pictured, who apologized back in October about the raft of seriously graphic GIFs that materialized online.
Meanwhile, nobody seems to think an apology is necessary. Quite the contrary.
Nor is anyone terribly upset to have seen British comedian Joel Dommett (pictured) in the flesh, either.
Next, a testosterone-addled triptych of sports stars shook us to our very cores with their very own photo scandals.
First, former rugby player/activist Ben Cohen displayed his wares for all the world to see. Then, Olympic gymnast Louis Smith was caught indulging in some strident pleasure in front of his webcam. Then a Colombian soccer star named Andres Correa had his private selfies suddenly showcased to the world. As you can see, it’s a leak of the highest order.
And while we’re on the subject of athletes taking off their clothes, we should probably remind you of beefy Argentinean rugby player Andres Enrique, who let it all hang out in a cachet of photos. And fellow Argentinian rugby star Juan Ignacio didn’t want to be excluded from the fun, and so here are all of his sexy pics.
Should we go on? Because we can. We can lead you to a photo of former America’s Next Top Model contestant Dustin McNeer spilling out of his underwear. Or perhaps it’s Ex on the Beach‘s Brandon Myers who tickles your fancy. (If so, there’s any number of places to see his talent — like here, here, and here.)
We’ll leave you to ponder the physique of Gus Kenworthy’s boyfriend Matt Wilkas, the Gayby actor who’s evidently quite comfortable in his own skin. No one who views Wilkas’s pics is likely to complain, as you can see here.
Let’s hope Wilkas — and all these other brave men — are paving the way towards a bright future in which male celebrities take their publicity photos totally unfettered by clothing. And let us hope Mike Pence is not among them.
Who did we miss? Who will be next? What are you wearing? Sound off in the “Comments” section below if that’s what makes you happy.